Am I needed?
by Cha-Cha
Summary: ‘James? James.’ A soft voice called out, startling the young man out of his deep thoughts. Turning from where he was perilously perched on the wall up in the astronomy tower, he hastily tried to erase the lines of tears before replacing his glasses onto h


Author: Cha-Cha 

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the show so please don't sue.**

**A/N: Just a little one shot that suddenly demanded to be let out of the mess that is sometimes known as my brain!**

'James? James.' A soft voice called out, startling the young man out of his deep thoughts. Turning from where he was perilously perched on the wall up in the astronomy tower, he hastily tried to erase the lines of tears before replacing his glasses onto his nose.

'Lily!' He exclaimed hoarsely, surprised to see the girl who seemed to hate him so much, finding him in one of his favourite hiding spots. 'What are you doing up here?'

'Looking for you actually,' came the reply from the red head as she positioned herself on the ledge next to him.

'Let me guess, one of the others asked you to find me? You can tell them you did now and leave.' James told her as bluntly as he could. Company was really not wanted at that particular time. He felt slightly guilty at the harsh brush off but decided he could always make it up to her later.

'Actually they, I mean we, were worried. I made them show me where you were on the map and I'm not leaving.' Lily retorted, studying the usually arrogant face carefully, finding no trace of the man he usually tried to be. Maybe this was the true James that no one else except the other Marauders saw; a lonely, unsure little boy.

'Why would they be worried? They're fine, I'm fine, no problems.' The last part was spoken so quietly that she wasn't sure she had even heard it.

'If you're so fine why aren't you with them trying to think of another prank, or laughing about how today will be the day I finally say yes-'

'I never laughed about that!' James butted in; slightly indignant she would consider him laughing about something a s serious as that.

'Okay they laugh while you brag.' Lily corrected herself with a small smile before continuing with why she had come. 'You aren't fine.'

'Oh? Who say's?'

'I say, the teachers do when they think we aren't paying attention, Remus, Sirius even Peter and you do.' The red head stopped and finally looked directly into his face, holding her breath at the explosion that was surely going to come. It never did.

'I say I'm not fine?' James met her gaze, his voice incredulous. Was she listening to what he was saying or just reading from a script? Hadn't he just said he was fine? The mocking voice at the back of his mind just laughed at his feeble attempts of covering the hollowness that had been taking up residence in his heart ever since he had returned from St Mungo's. They don't need you! They managed just fine while you were gone; they have each other and Lily to take care of them. You're just the spare part! The voice once again began its incessant mocking.

'Your plea is silent. You laugh and smile at the right places but you're drifting away from your friends. You haven't asked me out in days and the spark of life is gone in everything. And finally, you're sat up here alone crying. Crying with friends is fine, but alone means you really aren't fine. Let us in. Let us help.' Lily ended pleading, fear tearing at her insides that the man she could possibly love was gone forever. She turned him down each time as she thought it was only a joke to him, but the time she had spent with the moping Marauders had shown her that underneath the prattish exterior was a very caring person that only those closest to him got to see.

For the previous month, James had been at the Wizarding hospital with a very bad case of Imp pox that caused all of his skin to swell as well as throat and mouth causing a lot of breathing problems. After not getting better after a week in the infirmary, much to the despair of the remaining Marauders, he had been transferred.

The mood around the school had been on an all time low as they barely spoke to anyone, including Slytherins, and all pranks ceased. There was no laughter or smiles from any one of them, while their grades steadily dropped. Lily had finally given in at the end of the first week he had been gone and forced them to talk to her.

She had begun helping Peter with his homework, explaining it in terms he understood, a job that James had usually done. She had helped Remus find some good literature in the library, a job she was shocked to find Potter did normally, as well as listen to him when he needed to release some pent up frustration about someone after a long day, another task James had made a habit of doing. Finally, she went with Sirius under the cloak to get late snacks and keeping him occupied when his other friends became irritated with his short attention span. It only took a few days but part of the tension was released, of course they were still worried about their fourth Marauder but they were beginning to cope without him and go back, as far as possible, to their normal selves.

It seemed like only a few days, although in reality it was a few weeks, before Prongs came back to a very warm welcome of the Slytherin's hair being turned red and gold while on the backs of their robes, a lion with the words below it saying 'we love the Gryffindor's', flashing every few minutes. Sufficed to say, he had been happy, but in the days after, he seemed to get quieter and quieter, withdrawing into himself more, an act very unusual for Potter. It wasn't long before people began to get worried, Lily included.

'I suppose. Don't worry about me though; I'll be fine in a few days. Thank you for coming to see me. I'll go back in a few minutes.' James told her blandly, trying to inject some of his usual attitude so she would do as he asked, hoping that she would stop prodding.

'That is complete and utter rubbish and you know it!' Lily finally snapped at him. 'There is something seriously wrong with you, so you can either tell me or tell your friends, hell even tell a teacher but we aren't going to sit back and watch you destroy yourself!' At some point during her speech she had gotten off the ledge and stood facing him on the balcony, her hands never staying still as she shouted.

'Why do you care? You don't need me here so why should you be worried about me?' His voice was barely above a whisper as he realised in horror what his traitorous mouth was saying. His eyes stayed fixed on the ground. It stopped her dead as the implications of what he said came to her. After he had come back, she still helped the Marauders as they still came to her with their pleas and requests since they knew James was still weak and tired easily after his illness. They were going to wait until he was off the medication before allowing him to go back to the amount of tasks he usually took upon himself to do. He was only just allowed to play Quidditch and they felt it would be unfair to burden him with so many things at one time, so were going to ease him in slowly.

'You think they don't need you!' Her voice full of exasperation and disbelief.

'Why should they? They have you.' He told her before beginning to turn back to the vast countryside that lay beyond the tower.

'Prongs, Lily is great and everything, and no offence to you Lily, but we miss you. She's only a temporary replacement until we think you're fit enough.' Sirius' voice cut through the night. Pausing mid turn, he saw the other three Marauders leaning against the wall, the invisibility cloak laying limply in Remus' hand.

'When you were gone, we sort of fell apart, but Lily kept us together until you returned.' Lupin added.

'But you seem to want her more than me now.' Prongs voice, if at all possible got even quieter as he held back the tears that threatened to overflow, his cheeks flushing slightly red with embarrassment at having to tell his friends why he was there.

'Prongs!' Sirius exclaimed causing him to look sharply up, 'of course we were still going to want Lily to help us for a bit! You tire easily, we've all seen it! Do you really think on top of homework, studying, lessons and Quidditch, you can teach Wormtail everything we learnt in lesson and helping him with his homework, sneak around the library to help Moony while making sure no one else finds out how much you love the place and books, listen and talk to him for a few hours, keep me amused, plot how to ask Lily out next and pull the next prank! You do a lot for us, now we're returning the favour.' Sirius drifted off as he realised he had made quite a long speech, an act very rarely done by the boy.

'We're giving you a holiday. Time for you to rest and recover. You're still our friend even if we have someone else do the things we normally let you do.' Remus finished as he sat next to his friend. 'Sure I tell Lily stuff, but I don't tell her everything like I do you.'

'She's good at explaining stuff, but she doesn't let me practice half the stuff I do on you.' Wormtail told him with a shy smile, enticing one from his miserable friend.

'Lily's great at keeping me out of trouble, but that's not always a good thing. I haven't managed to have a detention for over a month now, although McGonagall is probably overjoyed at that.' Sirius mused as he realised that point.

'James, I never want to take away your place, I only want to help out a little before we go back to being enemies and you turn my hair yellow again!' Lily told him with a large smile, relief this was the only problem.

'You know we don't have to be enemies, we could stay friends.' Sirius and James offered.

'I'd like that.' Evans told them, and in truth she did like the boys a lot more after she had got to know them. Most of the qualities they showed the world were who they were but underneath there were many depths to them. Their undying loyalty to one another was only one of the qualities she had found.

'And James, thank you for the Honeydukes chocolate. I don't know how you knew it was my favourite, but thank you, it always helped.' Moony told his friend, suddenly remembering another reason he owed his friend so much, another act of kindness he showed him.

'How did you know it was me?' Prongs asked, surprised at being found out was evident in his facial expressions.

'What chocolate?' The other two boys asked.

'When I first realised the errr…' James paused, not knowing how much the red head knew.

'She knows.' Remus told him bluntly, Prongs nodded in understanding.

'Well, I recognised the symptoms towards the first moon you were here, and I had some Honeydukes my mum had sent with me so I asked Madame Pomfrey to give it to Remus the morning after. I only asked that she didn't tell you it was me. Even after you found out we knew I kept it up and brought you more chocolate so you wouldn't be suspicious.'

'Last month while you were ill and the bar didn't come and I managed to get it out of her. Thank you, it really helped.' Moony told him with a rare grin.

'You knew he was a werewolf before the first moon and didn't tell us!' Padfoot exclaimed, slightly insulted at yet another secret.

'My mum works at a werewolf clinic which helps werewolves with injuries after the moon, people who've only just been bitten or just need help financially or need a place to transform. I recognised all of the symptoms Remus was showing, so I began researching ways to help him.'

'Yes, they told me about that. Do you realise how dangerous that was!' Lily scolded, before mischievous smile crept onto her face. 'Thank you can teach me when you feel better?'

'I'd love to.'

'Think you would take me to Hogsmead as well.' Lily asked the smile never leaving her face, while ones of disbelief and shock emerged on the others.

'On a date?' James put forward cautiously, and was even more shocked when she nodded. 'Of course I'd love to!'

'Good, now we'd better get back before Filtch finds us.' Evans told them, heading to the door. 'I'm afraid we won't all fit under that.' She added with a laugh, with the others joining in. It was true, they had grown an awful lot sine the first year, and it now required Wormtail to transform to get all four of them under. Five would be impossible.

'Real shame you weren't something smaller Prongs, then we wouldn't need the map so much.' Remus added jokingly.

'I can't believe how badly my antlers got caught up in that damn cloak!' Potter grumbled, while the others tried not to laugh at the memory of the three of them trying to untangle him.

Heading to the door, they quickly checked the map before leaving, and going down the winding staircase.

'Feel better?' Lily asked just before the bottom, pausing on the step to look at her boyfriend. Looking around him at his friends quietly laughing and joking about pranks they had and could do, he nodded.

'Much.' The heaviness he had been feeling in his heart instantly leaving his body as he slipped an arm around her waist.

The End


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